Breathe on me, Breath of God

Maybe it’s the physical tiredness of short nights. Maybe it’s the mental weariness of a quick day of travel. Or being home without David for most of the week. Who knows....maybe it’s just hormones. But my heart feels shaky tonight.

I seem small and petty and a wee bit worthless. I also surely recognize that warming, melting presence of the Holy Spirit as He draws me in my weakness. But I’m feeling the notion to grab a fig leaf or two (or probably three) and hide behind the growing collection of this week’s clean-laundry baskets.

I feel mixed up and jumbled...the kind of jumbling that is only made fully right by sitting with Him. I rest in His grace, forgiveness, salvation, sanctification, perfection and holiness. But tonight....I am literally wincing at my screen, because those familiar feelings of not being enough have washed in. Those who know me well know I’m certainly no pro at balancing law and grace. (But I’ve come a long way, baby!)

I do know that I far prefer the pain of seeing myself to numbness of soul.

My mind has been rehearsing some truths that I have said, written, spoken about....things that I need to revisit for myself. And I know of much work to be done in my life and heart and mind.

This Spirit-light does not shine without pain or comfort.

So I rest in the fact that He woos me. Sits here with my jumbledness. And I do not disappoint him. Really? I shake my head even now in disbelief. He is not let down by my weaknesses. Because my face is turned toward him – tears on cheeks – asking (no begging) for the new painful pruning and comforting filling of Himself. So unworthy of this Presence.

Lately, this song has been so persistent in my ears::  Pray it with me?
(Scroll to just below bottom post to pause background music.)

Breathe on Me, Breath of God

Breathe on me, breath of God; Fill me with life anew,

That I may love what Thou dost love, And do what Thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, breath of God, Until my heart is pure,

Until with Thee I will one will, To do and to endure.

(hear me singing even louder now?)

Breathe on me, breath of God, Till I am wholly Thine,

Until this earthly part of me Glows with Thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, breath of God; So shall I never die,

But live with Thee the perfect life Of Thine eternity.

WORDS: Edwin Hatch, 1878

MUSIC: Robert Jackson, 1894

Sing to the Lord #302 Lillenas 1993