Not one. single. post.
It makes me sad, actually. Putting words on paper is one of my most basic needs. It helps me to remember. To sort. To find perspective. To figure out what I think. To find my voice. To be who I am.
But 2015 kicked me in the booty. Not gonna lie. It was tough.
Good, Awesome, Miraculous. But tough.
I don't need to describe the journey right now, but I suspect bits and pieces will wiggle their way out if I stay true to my need to write this year.
I love January. It feels fresh and cozy and hopeful. I love the planning and the list making and the goal-renewing. That's my version of "new year resolutions." It's a return to the goals and habits I've been working on for like ever.
So one of my goals in the "Me" category is blogging. I need it for me.
For very good reasons that I wouldn't change for anything, I have set aside many of the things that I most love. I have simplified and simplified and simplified until sometimes I feel that what is left of me is....well, not much. I feel lost in a pile of laundry, housework and diapers.
But when I write and record and remember, it helps me to stay in touch with me a little more.
So here I am. Writing it down.
Another thing has happened to me that I'm not sure how to handle.
I have gotten scared. Something about the way facebook puts everyone's every single move out there for thousands to see....something about the way we respond to one another online. Makes me feel like it's a mile wide and an inch deep. I'm scared of others, and maybe more scared of myself.
I believe fully and wholeheartedly in being authentic. But in the process of trying to balance the oddity of massive online sharing, I have lost a sense of freedom.
I realize that I miss the early days of blogging. Before facebook bullied its big self into our lives and took over everything. Blogging was like re-discovering one another. We could be real and share and get to know one another. I sound idealistic, but it really was different. Do you remember? Blogs didn't have a flashing ad every 3 lines. And you had to read on purpose. You went to a specific blog because it had something to say to you. It was deeper and more personal.
Now I'm rambling. And my sick boy needs something for his tummy. And my bakergirl needs help separating her eggs.
But it's good to be back.
I think I'm glad that everyone is hanging out over at the facebook party. I almost feel safe here.
Hello again.
...scenes from 2015...
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| JANUARY 2015 :: Celebrating David's graduation (which actually happened Dec. 2014) |
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| FEBRUARY 2015 :: Hiking the Grand Canyon as a family of 8 (Carson had a smooth ride in utero.) |
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| APRIL 2015 :: Our annual family Passover meal |
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| Spring 2015 Mantel in the new house |
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| AUGUST 2015 :: Baby Carson's arrival (8.21.15) |
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| OCTOBER 2015 :: First family pics in forever |
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